The tears don’t stop and they need to come, stopping them is not a option or even possible . Not going to church once again goes through my mind. Do I really want to go to church to pray.
I can pray sat in bed why do I need to make the effort. Then the silly questions in my head If go to church. Do I sit at the back and cry. Sit where I normally sit and cry, or sit the front and cry .
These questions become massive in my mind and I blow them out of all proportion.
Armed with tissues I go and sit at the front. To be joined by a lovely member of the congregation. A hug was all that was needed. No words were exchanged as even kinds words hurt.
Though out the service I felt her hand on my back, beautiful reassurance that I was not alone.
The tears did come in massive floods during and after the service. I was held loved and supported by lovely people. Some who’s names I did not know but they cared and showed that in the most loving way possible.
They tried to ease my pain, no questions where asked few words where spoken. I was grateful for the wonderful people that supported and surrounded me .
Beautiful, painful and love the 3 words to describe today. It’s all part of the healing process, it takes so much inner strength to get from the start to the end of each day but so determined to be a better stronger person.
“You keep track of all my sorrows. You have collected all my tears in your bottle. You have recorded each one in your book.” Psalm 56:8 (NLT)