I made a promise to a very special little person. A promise of trust. I never thought anything could happen that would break that promise.
The day my world fell apart, I had no control over the decision that was made which forced me to break that promise.
The promise of trust is a big promise to make to anyone. When it was broken due to circumstances that were beyond my control I felt so helpless.
It’s one of the things I am having the most problems with during this difficult time. I have failed as a person. Two big questions remain.
Will I ever be given the opportunity to rebuild this trust?
Will they trust again?
I do trust God and since this has happened and my faith has become stronger. This betrayal of trust keeps me awake at night and goes round and round in my head. After talking this through and sharing it I realise it’s to early and to painful to process.
I cannot see this person to explain what happened. I am going to write them a letter. A letter which I cannot send and one that they are not ready to receive.
I am hoping by writing this it might help me and maybe one day them.
From the day I meet you the most important message I wanted you to have was you could trust me.
Trust is not something that just happens it has to be earned and together we set out on a journey. It was a tough road from the start. The end I had in sight was going to be good and positive. I never dreamed it would end the way it did.
We both started with emotional problems. I was still recovering from a broken heart. You had just had been torn away from people you believed loved you unconditionally.
I never planned we would both find God on our journey in the way that we did. I never imagined how much comfort we have both got from our faith. The way we grew together in faith was special, you taught me so much about Gods love. Your understanding was so pure and beautiful it often left me in tears, your prayers were straight forward spontaneous and honest.
You have grown into an amazing confident person so different from when I first meet you. During our time together we have laughed and cried and I earned your trust and love.
When everything went so terribly wrong you trusted me, you trusted me to do what was right for you.
I hope and pray that in the future I can explain all this to you. I ask one thing of you please never stop trusting God.
Please understand and find it in your beautiful heart that I had no choice.
I always knew we would have to say goodbye to each other one day but it was not meant to be this way.
Remember you are beautiful and loved by God. Joshua 1:9
Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.”