I feel myself growing stronger but the pain just stays, some days it’s better than others but it won’t go away. Pain is the constant reminder of where I have come from and the journey that lies ahead of me.
I am not afraid of what lies ahead. I worry about it and wonder deep down I will be able to cope in one way or another.
I am a child of God. I trusted my own father and I trust in God to love me as I love him.
The pain I am feeling would be so destructive without my faith. I feel wrapped in a protective layer of cotton wool coated in love. Real life seems a fog, I just act out life in the outside world and long to live in my own protective bubble of beautiful love.
What I find hard is why did it take so much pain for me to want to follow Jesus and to open my heart and mind to him?
How do people find faith without pain? Or was that just my path that I had to suffer so much to learn to love things less and love God more.
I feel so different it’s a deep inside different. On the outside I am more confident and friends say how well I look and happy I am and that I am coping so well.
But inside in am still crying. I am not unhappy or depressed how can I be when I am so loved by God. I am just learning what Gods love feels like and I guess when you first fall in love we all have a strange feeling inside us and it’s beautiful.
Psalm 147:3-5 He heals the brokenhearted and bandages their wounds. He counts the stars and names each one. Our Lord is great and very powerful. There is no limit to what he knows.