I would have never believed that my faith could grow into something so beautiful. That prayer would become a part of my everyday life. Pain and God are changing and shaping me. Taking time each day to pray is a big part of that.
Praying is a place to offload my problems to God. Trusting God to deal with them not me. This time with God is the only way I have managed to stay positive and hopeful for the future.
Talking to God never seems one sided, my prayers are always heard but not always answered in a way I understand. Praying can often give me a deep emotional feeling deep inside, which often ends in tears. I am not sad just overcome with God and emotions that cause me to cry.
When the pain and grief was at its strongest. Praying alone was difficult, being alone with my prayers and thoughts was just to painful. Praying in church or with someone else allowed me time with God without becoming a hysterical crying shaking mess.
Finding out that I could run and pray has given me a way to deal with the grief. Running is sometimes the only way I can open myself to God. Be able to stay focused, keep my mind clear for long enough and to get lost in prayer rather that struggle with it as I can do home.
Time is healing and as my coping has improved so has my prayer time. Making time in the morning to sit quietly before listening to the same piece of music helps me focus my mind before I pray and talk to God.
When my days have been so very painful and full of grief I have wanted to pray for long periods of time. Shut out the pain of reality keeping my eyes tightly closed so as not to see the world around me.
My confidence is not yet there to lead someone in prayer. In time this will come in time as my faith becomes richer and stronger.
Finding prayer beautiful is down to my grandmother. Memories of bedtime prayers are very special. Without the loving childhood that I was privileged enough to have. I would never be resilient enough to even start to cope with my problems today.
Each day I pray for children that go to bed hungry and scared and wake up hungry and scared in my heart I want to reach out and help them in any way I can.
Maybe my new destination will take me that way. I place my hopes and dreams with God and trust that I will see and follow my new path in life when it’s made available for me.
Jesus understands and says, “Come to me, weary and heavy-laden. And I will give you rest” (Matthew 11:28).