,It just does not seem right to shop for things I just want but do not need. I still feel detached from the outside world. Shopping for non-essential items feels uncomfortable almost like stepping out of my grief.
When my Dad died I used to go shopping to try and cheer myself up. I remember buying a very expensive throw that I did not need or want. I ran up bills on my credit card just trying to make myself happy.
That was over 10 years ago, today I am a completely different person. I don’t need or want for anything. I have food on my table and a roof over my head and I am loved.
My dad has been on my mind lot this week. Some of the tears today are for my Dad. When he died I remained strong and in control for the rest of my family, but looking back I wish I cried more and took time grieve.
I never had God to talk to back then .
This new grief has opened a lot of old wounds. Opened boxes that have remained closed for many years. I spend time talking to God about what’s inside the boxes and look for ways to grieve for my dad. I pray that I can open his box and look inside it without fearing what I will find.
The memories in dads box bring both happiness and sadness. They are
memories that were made with love.
I don’t want to close the lid on dads box but it would be good to put it away with the lid closed but not tapped up.
Joshua 1:9, Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go.” (NIV)