Sleep Protects Me.

It’s been a tough week, praying has just been something I do as part of my daily routine. I have been praying in the evening just before bed and end up falling asleep sat on the floor. Every night I fall asleep in the arms of my father wrapped and protected in his love. I have no words or thoughts left but sleep.
Trying to pray for the person I grieve for is to painful. Sleep protects me from that pain but it has left me feeling unconnected to God. Strangely I feel more connected with the world around me.
I seem more positive and productive almost coping. I still need to be able to get a balance, be able to Pray reflect and see the beauty that surrounds me.
Last night I ran and ran prayed came home feeling connected and relieved. This morning I woke full of pain and tears. It seems every time I allow myself to connect and pray emotionally I fall apart .
Today I feel so very loved by God. Not alone and ready to face the worries that are ahead of me, living constantly on the verge of tears. I want to be with my thoughts and prayers, I can’t focus on work my mind just wonders to prayer .
Can’t seem to get a balance where I can function and pray.
Maybe I am being impatient, just not ready yet to deal with reality of life.
Today I sat under the yew tree in our local church yard. Praying outside in the sunshine with my lovely dog just snuggled up to me.

James 1:3-4New Living Translation (NLT)
For you know that when your faith is tested, your endurance has a chance to grow. So let it grow, for when your endurance is fully developed, you will be perfect and complete, needing nothing.

James 1:3-4New Living Translation (NLT)
For you know that when your faith is tested, your endurance has a chance to grow. So let it grow, for when your endurance is fully developed, you will be perfect and complete, needing nothing.
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