Cold And Confused

Not sleeping makes me so exhausted, dreams that torment my inner thoughts are all taking its toll on my ability to function.
I replay the last time we were together, I watch myself in slow motion get up and turn my back on the person I loved so much. I told them to trust me and I turned my back and walked away. I did not look back nor was I tempted to.
Last night I went to our local church yard and sat leaning against the cross of our family grave.
The church yard looked beautiful at night, I wanted to pray for the people that have been so hurt by recent events. Sleep once again stopped me; stepped in and protected me from the pain and the hurt. The church bell woke me up at 10pm and I walked home cold and confused.
I have sleeping tablets but have only taken one as I don’t want to relay on medication to function. I want to find enough inner strength to cope with life. I don’t want medication to effect my judgement and ability to listen and pray. My head needs to be clear as my heart needs to be open to gods perfect love.
Patience time love and sleep are some of the things that will help heal my broken hurt.
I am not even sure if it will mend completely or I will just learn to live with the pain and be able to function with a broken heart. The pain I am suffering feels like it will last a lifetime.

isaiah-41

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