My head is clear and the need to cry has almost gone. I can concentrate on work pray without sleeping and feel truly blessed to be alive and live in this beautiful word and follow Jesus.
I feel so calm and ready to move forward, amazed at the changes in myself and they are all positive.
Grief is a roller coaster and I might just be on a up, I do feel it’s more than just a up before the down.
But I only have to look a few feet away and the changes in my husband are not so positive and the depression and situation is taking its negative toll.
He is so angry inside and full of negative thoughts. He wants to blame an individual the hate he feels is so strong.
He can seem positive and at times over excitable and irrational. But he is on a roller coaster of emotions often saying hurtful things without knowing it or caring. The nightmares the panic he experiences are so powerful at times he wants to end his life as the pain is just to much to cope with.
He can’t understand why I won’t be angry. His mind is controlled by his depression which leaves little room for faith and love .
Having Gods beautiful unconditional love is the reason I function and will continue to love and pray and not be destroyed by past events.
I feel so under skilled to help my lovely man. I will of course love him and pray for him but feel so helpless and have so little understanding helping someone with mental health issues .
Romans 5:4 – perseverance, character; and character, hope.