I spent this morning reading my own blog it reduced me to tears , I am amazed at the journey we have been on, I forgot how low we had been and how much pain we where both in only 6 months ago.
It’s been an incredible journey so far and I got the feeling when reading it that I am not so afraid of failing , not so afraid of being me and standing up for myself and the others that I love .
We made it to new year together and in love , love drives , love protects but love also destroys and causes pain and loss.
Back in the summer when I was in so much pain I could not understand why others could have God in their lives without having to go through all the pain that I was suffering .
It felt unfair and at times I felt angry about having to go through so much loss and pain to find gods love.
My life has changed so much , the road ahead is different to the road ahead only one year ago, it’s not the road I expected to travel along and have no idea where it will lead me.
God knows what lies ahead and what ever happens god will be with me.
My life is full of new possibilities, embracing each day and just spreading gods love following Jesus has become who I am.
About 4 months ago I wrote a list of things to inspire me make me a better person , most just personal goals.
One goal was to run a half marathon , I did it last week I was so afraid I would fail, so afraid I would hold people back, but the opposite happened I trusted god and believed in myself and just over three hours later I returned , muddy and smiling I did it.
It’s fear that stops me doing so much, fear of failing , fear of what will happen if I don’t get it right .
Fear allows doubt , fear distorts and destroys fear puts up walls and stops god allowing me to be the person god is calling me to, fear allows darkness where their should be light.
2 Timothy 1:7 (NKJV)
For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind.