what is my truth

Movie info
12-year-old Conor is dealing with his mother’s illness, a less-than-sympathetic grandmother and bullying classmates, finds a most unlikely ally when a Monster appears at his bedroom window. Ancient, wild, and relentless, the Monster guides Conor on a journey of courage, faith, and truth.

Often when we see a film we have a firm idea of what to expect this film took me by surprise by its depth and beauty its way it deals with grief . The imagery was fantastic but it drew so many parallels in my own life how I have been shaped and changed by grief and left me wondering what my truth was .
The monster in the film is a yew tree a giant yew tree that turns into the monster , Yew tree clippings offer hope and a cure for cancer but yew tree berries are deadly poisonous . The tree is both a giver and taker of life .

The monster was someone Connor could talk to in his darkest hour, someone to listen to him and vent his angry, someone to understand and know his pain and strong enough to carry his pain . The monster would not remove the circumstances that where causing the pain but he walked with Connor through it and taught him how to deal with it .

The monster told stories telling us good and bad are sometimes are not as they seem. The monster adds that Conor should be careful where and in whom he puts his belief.

It was a yew tree that I knelt under back in April 2014 , it was on that day I cried out to god and asked for strength to get through the pain I was going though. The film shows Connor distressed crying out for help under the yew tree and in the end being held in the trees love and the tree offering guidance and support so he could get though the toughest time in his life. The tree stayed with Connor it’s branches reaching and spreading far and wide just as gods love reaches and spreads far and wide, just as god reached out to me and strayed with me .

The tree asked Conor to tell him of his nightmare , Connor replied he wanted his mum to die wanted it to be over the pain they where both going through to stop , I remember that same feeling when my dad was in the last stages of cancer wanting him to die not wanting to go though the pain of watching the man I love being eaten up by cancer.
Connor was than given an opportunity to speak the truth to his mum and he tells he he does not want her to die wants her to live and be with him.
I never told my dad this I never found the words to express myself the last time I saw him, I held his hand hardly able to look at him but at the same time wanting to stare at him, remember his face imprint it in my mind, every line wrinkle and gesture .
Instead I sat their afraid to say the wrong thing afraid to speech the truth, we sat in silence , both with a head full of words but not able to say them.
The monster in the film helped Connor face the truth so he could let his mum go .
I wonder if I had god in my life back than would I have said something to my dad the last day I saw him , trusting my fears to god maybe would have allowed me to say what needed to be said instead I was silent , my fears greater than god to big and ugly blacking out what was right in front of me , I was yet to know gods love..
God knows my truths , knows my fears my regrets and what scares me most.

“Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.”

1 Peter 5:7 NIVr

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