Someone Else’s Fear.

Today the sun is directly overhead shinning so brightly it’s almost unbearable.
When the sun is not shining, I know it’s still there. Just as I know God loves me even when I might not be feeling it.
Gods love was not on my mind a year ago. I was so trapped, not knowing which way to turn. Those that should have been helping me where not: I was left in an impossible situation.
Twelve months today I was reading “ From fear to love by Bryan Post” a love based approach to helping parent children that have been adopted or in care.
“There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear.” 1 John 4:18
I wanted to find out more; just reading the bible passage as part of Bryan’s book that night did not seem enough.
I wanted to read it from the bible. Their was a strong need to want to try understand what was being said and why.
Reading a Bible verse more than once was something that I would not normally do. I read 1 John 4:18 over and over again that evening. Stopping to spend time researching the verse on the internet. Desperately trying to understand why love and fear cannot co exist.
Learning that some of us can be so afraid of love we push it away. I understood that if you feel Gods love you cannot be afraid . God will look after you.
Within hours I suddenly found myself home alone and very scared.
Someone else’s fear had shattered my life and those that I love where also destroyed.
God is so amazing giving me that one verse to hold onto. Curled up on the sofa: crying, rocking and shaking I was not angry only scared. I understood why it had happened.
Through my tears and uncontrollable shacking somehow I understood God was with me.



One thought on “Someone Else’s Fear.

  1. I think of the cycle of abuse – it’s a cycle of love and fear, fear and love.
    You’re afraid that you’re going to step on the wrong eggshell and something bad will happen.
    You’ve just been through an awful experience – and here that person is, sorry and repentant, “I love you, I promise I’ll never hurt you again.”
    And for awhile, that love keeps you trusting in that promise … until you step on another eggshell.
    Sometimes the two can be so addled together, being afraid that you won’t be loved, so you love the one you’re afraid of thinking some love is better than none.
    At least, this is the sense I get from reading account after account of what abusive lovers have put their terrified victims through.
    But this is imperfect love, a jealous love, a self-love that puts itself before others; but when it’s all you know, it’s hard to accept a true, perfect love and to learn to stop being afraid.


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