swifts and swallows

Submerged into the stillness of creation.
Feet deep in dew-laden grass.
I listen.
In solitude, the words come.

How do you write about the silence.
Explain the things we cannot see.
The wordless whispers of silent conversations.
Floating drifting words.
Ladened in love.

It’s the language of the heart.
Dictated to my mind.
Translating storing words before they fade into daydreams.
Capturing the silence.
Whispered softly from the heart.

Words become thoughts
Talk of truths.
Inspire my imitation.
Sparks of love.
Gently moving forward.
Always saying I am here.

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Emotions held in ink.

Sharing something of myself during a therapeutic / creative writing session. I realised why and how pastoral care is so important.
It offers something beyond the human. It reaches our inner selves, takes us to the place where love is.
When we connect with love we find it’s source. We realise that we are not alone, Jesus is with us.
Writing has become my way to express myself. To unpick my thoughts and feelings. To journey with my blurred jumbled words alongside Gods word.
I imagined the course would help with this writing (which it did).
I was not prepared for the sad emptiness that I felt on the journey home.
My thoughts and feelings remained on the paper stuffed into my hand bag. My emotions remained held in the ink.
Having just taken myself to some painful places, I needed to end the session with a prayer. Lift the written words from the paper and give them to God.
I made me realise how much pastoral support gives and has given me.
The love that has been poured over me. I have cried, laughed and journeyed to places I never imagined possible.
For me Pastoral care is doing. Its emotional and spiritual support. It’s walking with those in crises and trouble. Supporting those in grief, journeying with them. Sharing their joys, however small that joy might be. It’s seeing the gifts in people, they are possibly unaware they even have. Encouraging sharing in their delight, as they discover these gifts for themselves .
It’s the simple things: liking a Facebook post, a smile, noticing people, making conversation, a birthday greeting, a prayer. a email late at night, that tells someone they are loved.
It’s practical stuff too: it’s doing, it’s being, it’s listening . It’s this practical stuff that shows Christ living through us. It’s the action that comes from loving one another, because we ourselves are first loved by God.
Knowing we are loved is powerful and beautiful it heals. To tell someone they are loved is from God.
We take God to the people in the hands that we hold, the stories that we listen to, tears that we shed with one another, and the prayers we share.
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John 13:34-35 The Message (MSG)
34-35 “Let me give you a new command: Love one another. In the same way I loved you, you love one another. This is how everyone will recognize that you are my disciples—when they see the love you have for each other.”

Just Being.

Emotional stored up energy.
Focused and realised.
Freedom giving.
Boundaries broken.
Just being.

Mind wanders to silence.
Paths form and grow
Boundless and limitless.
Love Intensifies the silence.
Just being.

Spiritually connected
Phisically contained.
Hedges, fences.
Familiar paths.
Safety in the knowing.
Secure
Just being.

Would I.
Could I break out.
Smashing paths, trampling fences, distorting dreams.
Hurting all.
That’s not me.

Could I.
Should I be wild and reckless
Selfish.
Boundaries would be lost .
love would be hurt.
That’s not me.

Silence beyond just being.
Prayers that never utter a word.
Peace and freedom.
Love that pulls me, beyond my boundaries.
Thats me.
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June Drop

My garden is a big part of who I am, it’s complicated.
My moods and temperaments, my hopes and dreams are all reflected in the garden. It’s my visual soul. My garden connects me to Jesus,to my thoughts. It helps me sort out and understand the questions that wiz around in my head,

Six on Saturday. Six things, in my garden, on a Saturday. Could be anything – a tool, a job completed, a flower, a leaf, wildlife, a pest, a success, anything at all!

Here’s my Six for this week.

Brassica nigra. (Black Mustard)
As an outward sign of my faith, I wear a mustard seed set into a pink heart necklace.

“Matthew 17:20  (GNT)
“It was because you do not have enough faith,” answered Jesus. “I assure you that if you have faith as big as a mustard seed, you can say to this hill, ‘Go from here to there!’ and it will go. You could do anything”

I used to visualise Black mustard as this massive plant with sunflower-like flowers tall and showy almost beyond reach, packed full of seed.
This year I sowed Black mustard seed.
As you can see from the picture it’s no giant. It looks like rape seed that litters our hedgerows and spreads from the farmer’s fields into our gardens.
My disappointment was short lived when I realised it’s not the size that makes the mustard seed so special. It’s what the mustard seed does – it spreads and grows easily.
If we live our faith as a mustard seed we don’t grow upwards and flower out of reach,
We flower where all can see, sharing and spreading our faith as far as possible.
That’s what I found so amazing: the potential of that one little seed.
I am going to spread mustard plants all around my neighbourhood. I might not be popular but I will be a conversation starter.

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Aruncus dioicus
(please correct me if it’s not)
I inherited this from the previous keepers of my garden.
It’s stunning this time of year so deserves a mention today.
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Malus Domestica – Bradley’s seedling.
My apple tree will be on a mission to self-distrust during June ( June drop ). Dropping what it knows it cannot hold.
I am holding to much, trying not to drop, trying not to cry and just carry on. I need to stop pray and drop my pains and offer them to God.
I need to take advice from my apple tree.

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Phacelia tanacetifolia
It’s amazing how we are subconsciously drawn to what pleases us. Plants in the Boraginaceae family always attract me. They also attract the bees.
This little pot bound beauty will be found a space in my garden.A place her roots can grow and she can thrive.

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Actinidia deliciosa

deliciosa means ‘delicious tasting’ with reference to the fruit.

This kiwi is planted in my garden at the point where I journey and move from one garden room into another.
The kiwi is that fruitful gateway.
The trouble is the kiwi it needs support and training. At the moment it rambles in its own direction. I am constantly pulling it out of trees, encouraging it to grow in a less wild way. Without support it will never be fruitful.

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Persicaria affnis

This little plant quietly flowers for most of the summer. It’s simple leaf and pink flower spikes grow around the edge of my pond. I like its simpleness and its dependability.

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Love is Patient.

My garden is a big part of who I am, it’s complicated.
My moods and temperaments, my hopes and dreams are all reflected in the garden. It’s my visual soul. My garden connects me to Jesus,to my thoughts. It helps me sort out and understand the questions that wiz around in my head,

Fellow blogger off the edge gardening has just shared her six on Saturday. Six things, in my garden, on a Saturday. Could be anything – a tool, a job completed, a flower, a leaf, wildlife, a pest, a success, anything at all!

Here’s my Six for this week.

Echium Pinnana
This giant Bi annual should have flowered. It’s two years old healthy great big leaves but no flower spike.
It’s a good reminder that we flower and fruit in Gods time not our time.
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Ginkgo Biboba
This is one of my favourite trees. It was the first tree I planted in my garden when we brought the house. Extract from the leaves are said to prevent age related memory loss.
That’s just one of the reasons I love this tree.I need it in my life and in my garden.

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Captalpa Bignoniodes
Another big tree, the latin name Bigniniodes sort of gives this away.
Yesterday’s blog was about how I am scared of the big. Today looking at the plants in my garden Its obvious that I enjoy the challenge of growing big. I embrace the unusual, the bigger the stranger the better.
This tree is planted totally in the wrong place but I love the statement that it makes “ Big is good “.

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A reflection on today.
It’s a picture about journeying going from one place to another trusting God. Even through I can’t see the destination it’s ok. Even if that distinction scares me it’s ok.
Even if the light is two bright for me to see with my eyes that’s also ok. It’s my heart that sees and feels Gods light. And it’s that love in my heart that I follow and listen to.

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Ficus Carcia
Yesterday this Fig tree was being deprived of light from a very overgrown Rowan tree.
In Pruning the Rowan tree I removed its fruit. The pruning will gave the fig tree light so it’s fruit can ripen.
Following Jesus means I have to make sacrifices. I can’t be fruitful if I’m being chocked by others and deprived of light.

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Leucanthemum Vulgare.
In plant symbolism the ox eye daisy represents patience.
I love all what this plant stands for. The beauty in the normal. Finding beauty in what others may see as Vulgare ( common ).

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1 Corinthians 13:4-7 Good News Translation (GNT)

Love is patient and kind; it is not jealous or conceited or proud;  love is not ill-mannered or selfish or irritable; love does not keep a record of wrongs;  love is not happy with evil, but is happy with the truth. Love never gives up; and its faith, hope, and patience never fail.

I’m scared.

Its the enormous hugeness of God, asking me to step out of my comfort zone. That vastness and endless seam of love overwhelm’s me.
I’m scared.
My heart beats so fast, my eyes fill with tears. I know God loves and believes in me. That’s what scares me. God who sees all believes in me.
I don’t know how to do this.
The old me would just slip away into the distance, remain silent and hidden.
I can’t hide and I don’t want to hide.
Yet I can’t join up my own thinking, I fumble my words. My brain goes runny, I say the opposite to whats in my head. I look at the emails: the words, the process of exploring vocation, my mind going into a panic. It’s beyond my thinking, but not beyond God.
I want to find the courage to embrace the feelings that I have instead of being scared of them.
God is calling me to “be more” and “do more” with my life than I could ever have imagined. God’s dreams are bigger than my own. I know that I can’t do this by myself. I am being challenged and stretched. I want to be the person God wants me to be and that petrifies me.

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Jeremiah 29:11 (GNT)
I alone know the plans I have for you, plans to bring you prosperity and not disaster, plans to bring about the future you hope for.

One big long emotional prayer.

A wooden cabin located in the Somerset country side was our home for the weekend.
This beautiful location with its own private garden was a safe place to off load the burdens that we carry. Two friends on a weekend date with God.
We gave ourselves permission to be real, not just with each other but also to God. We talked about pain and fears. Being open without the slightest fear of judgement, knowing that we are loved.
The weekend was best described as one big long emotional prayer.
It was weekend of giving to God in a way that I have never really experienced before. I started to understand that the gifts I have do not belong to me or the church, but to God.
Gifts that have been freely given to me with the purpose of using them to help others, to praise God in my actions.
I experienced how astoundingly powerful just being with someone can be. How sharing and preparing food together is an act of gratitude, knowing that we are fed by God.
It was strangely exhausting, An emotional exhaustion that is almost neutralised with prayer and love.
As I listened, prayed and journeyed with my friend I grew too.
I showed myself that I can lead prayer. I can pray with someone that’s hurting and make a difference.
Showing my love the only way I knew how. Grounded in the ambulance of natural beauty that surrounded us. I shared the love that residues in my heart. We both felt that peace and love that comes from God.
The prayers we shared were personal and a beautiful reflection of our friendship. The loose itinerary planned pushed us both in many different ways but at no point did we feel uncomfortable.
Journeying with my friend giving her space to be with God, to share Gods love for us was a privilege.
To listen to her story, to be trusted with her thoughts and to share her prayers was friendship at its best.
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1 Peter 5:6-7 The Message (MSG)
6-7 So be content with who you are, and don’t put on airs. God’s strong hand is on you; he’ll promote you at the right time. Live carefree before God; he is most careful with you.