A gift they are to afraid to unwrap.

Christmas  what does it mean to me?
Love is the first thing that comes to mind , God loves us so much he sent his son to save the word through him.
The rush to buy gifts food and make arrangements for the big day are on a massive commercial money making scale.
It’s ugly and sad, It’s not what Christmas is about and never will be.
The greatest gift we can give to one another is love .
Love is not like other gifts we give, it’s special  priceless and beautiful.
Often when you give love you get no response from from person receiving it, not a hug and thank you or even a smile .
I have given my love openly and freely to the fostered children that have been a part of our family , and it’s a gift that just keeps giving it’s so very very precious from the moment I  hold the children in my arms  to the time I  let them go it’s love that counts .
I pray that I planted enough love in their hearts that when or if they want to find gods love they will recognise it  as love and be able to start their own journey of faith.
Giving a gift that does not want to be given is not easy .
A gift  that gets pushed back and rejected  , a gift they are to afraid to unwrap as they are scared of what they might feel when they open it.
It’s a gift they have been given many times before only to have it taken away again and again .
Refusing the gift is the way they cope. But that’s not a reason not to give it.

Loving  damaged children hurts but all children need love , when I gave my love to these wonderful special children  my  faith grew and I was never alone as I had gods love every step of my journey and their is no greater love than the love of god.

So this Christmas please  pray for those adults and children that are not loved and are to scared to love, and fear love so much  they reject it and hurt and push those away that reach out to help them.

Loving god
Every child needs to be loved
Every child needs and a  future .
Help those that find love so scary they push it away
Allow them to let your love into their hearts .
Thousands of children around the world go to bed cold  hungry and scared every night.
When they awake in the morning nothing has changed for them, please show them love and kindness offer them hope and a future full of love and hope.

Corinthians 13:13

13 And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.



Cold And Confused

Not sleeping makes me so exhausted, dreams that torment my inner thoughts are all taking its toll on my ability to function.
I replay the last time we were together, I watch myself in slow motion get up and turn my back on the person I loved so much. I told them to trust me and I turned my back and walked away. I did not look back nor was I tempted to.
Last night I went to our local church yard and sat leaning against the cross of our family grave.
The church yard looked beautiful at night, I wanted to pray for the people that have been so hurt by recent events. Sleep once again stopped me; stepped in and protected me from the pain and the hurt. The church bell woke me up at 10pm and I walked home cold and confused.
I have sleeping tablets but have only taken one as I don’t want to relay on medication to function. I want to find enough inner strength to cope with life. I don’t want medication to effect my judgement and ability to listen and pray. My head needs to be clear as my heart needs to be open to gods perfect love.
Patience time love and sleep are some of the things that will help heal my broken hurt.
I am not even sure if it will mend completely or I will just learn to live with the pain and be able to function with a broken heart. The pain I am suffering feels like it will last a lifetime.


Love Is Beautiful.

Love is Beautiful.

My beautiful world has been turned upside down and inside out, all within a matter of days. I am so determined my world will remain beautiful. Full of hope and that some good can come from the pain that’s destroying my life today.

This blog is about me and my thoughts as I journey through the pain of recent events.
Sharing the pain, writing it down allows me to put the pain to paper. The pain is so destructive. I need to keep my mind as clear as possible and stay open to love and God.
Why a beautiful world when so much bad stuff is happening ? Because I believe if you look deep and hard there can be beauty in some of the most darkness of places.
There is everyday beauty, the beauty we can see touch smell and hear. Sometimes we only realise something is beautiful and wonderful and full of God’s love when we look back at it. This may be the same day or even weeks or months latter when our minds are open to reflect on the event in a positive way.
Beauty for me can be the way my friends and family held me in my grief. I feel sounded by love and they give me the strength to carry on when at times every end is dead end.
I always remember my dads funeral. Walking home feeling this amazing sense of relief and calmness and saying what a beautiful day it was.

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, sometimes you just need to look deep inside yourself to see how beautiful and amazing you really are.

Beautiful – A person or thing that is beautiful has perfection of form, colour, etc., or noble and spiritual qualities.

We are made in Gods image, so each and everyone one of us is beautiful.
It might not feel beautiful today, I don’t think I could feel much worse, it’s been a tough day. More downs than ups but somewhere there would have been something good and beautiful, I just have not had the energy or the inner strength to look. Maybe this time next week I will be able to look back and see the Beauty in today.