I’m Drowning.

I’m drowning,.
Surfacing looking for clean love filled air – God air
Breathing in as much as my mind and heart can hold.
Suppressing the urge to breathe it out.
Holding, searching always looking for another pocket of love air.
You would have thought God would make love air so it never runs out, always plentiful and easy to find.

God air is everywhere if we breathe hard enough and want it.
It’s not for sale, infused to perfection, blended and mixed.
Personalized to the last second of time.
Air that heals, Air that says “I Know “ Air that cry’s with you. Air that holds you until the next breath.
Air that’s in abundance yet, takes time to make, craft and blend.

It’s easier to breathe the old stale air of me.
Tastes so familiar no need to hold it, put in the effort to seek and make more.
Its air that once belonged to me.
It sinks to the bottom and takes you down
Down to a place that’s dense with old me.
A place that God air is hard to find.

Breathing it in is lazy – breathing it out hurts.
It’s thick. Chokes my creative thoughts.
It drags, pulls, takes me to places I don’t want to go.
Holding my breath not tempting to breath the foul old air of me.

Standing up in the clean air of love.
Breath that fills and inspires.
The amazing thing about God air is when you breathe it in it’s for you.
When you breathe it out others feel it too.

Angry air, chocking air breathed out by others that cross my path.
Drifting swills of soupy murky dark filled air.
Blown and directed at me.
Dragging me pulling to places I don’t want to be.

It’s tearing me apart inside. It’s you I want at my side.
It’s all the love and peace you bring
I need to learn to walk away, not to feel the hurt I do today
Hurting like it never hurt before.

My prayer today is just for me
Help me listen and see what it is you what from me.
Help me stop just long enough to see your love among the pain that litters and fills my life.
Help me stand up so tall that it’s only your air that I breathe.
Please calm the angry waters give me the strength to come up for air and reach out to you.
Amen

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God Tears.

God has been very much with me these last few days. I have been forced to slow up, giving more time for Prayer; for myself and others. Praying for myself is something I I find difficult; I pray for those I love, friends family, communities, those that live far away. It always seems selfish to ask for things for myself; I have food, a lovely home, I am loved. To ask for anything outside of this just does not feel right. This weekend I focused more on myself praying for help and guidance.

Trying to understand just because I don’t believe in myself God does. Images thoughts and dreams that come from God are so big and so real. Theirs no escaping them every time I pray the same things come to me.

They defiantly come from God because I don’t believe in myself enough to make these things happen. But I do believe God thinks I am capable; these things are strangely possibly achievable. I am overwhelmed by the thought of my future but excited at the same time.

The prayers have brought the tears that shape and change me. In church this morning tears were trying to escape at every opportunity. Tears that that needed to flow and happen . Some of the tears were full of Gods love, some sadness, but most of the tears this weekend were fear, afraid of what I might lose or never even get the opportunity to gain.

Sunday church service this morning caused a lot of tears . Being asked to think and pray about “ what does it take for me to follow Jesus” . The more I thought about this this the more the tears tried to leak out everywhere a few escaping .
Following Jesus produces tears, not sad tears; but God tears .
Gods love is bigger than pain, it does not stop the pain from hurting but protects me from the pain in only the way God can.
Following Jesus has changed my life in a way that cannot be reversed. It’s not as simple as starting to attend church it’s a complete inside person change. It’s following Jesus that has caused my pain and is continuing to cause me pain.
It’s standing up for what’s right treating another human with love compassion and grace. Staying with them and not turning my back on them when life goes the wrong direction.
Fighting for justice , not allowing something that is wrong to happen just because it’s easier not to fight.
Life would be so much easier if I was not following Jesus. I could think only for myself , not look beyond the four walls of my home and live a blissfully inward life. I would think I was happy convincing myself that retail therapy wants and needs would give me fulfilment.
But that’s not happiness; even when emotionally I am exhausted, I still smile it’s that beautiful inner happiness ; The joy of having Jesus in my life .
To follow Jesus for me is pushing forward to do Gods work alongside the people in our communities fighting and working with the unseen and forgotten families. By doing these things, I may hear Gods call to live a life that will let me love as only I can, and allow me to serve others with the special gifts I have been given.

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Pray For Teenagers In Crisis.

Highest places: pray for teenagers in crisis.
Children in care are 4 times more likely than their peers to have a mental health difficulty.

I pledge to pray for families; children in the care system and those involved in adoption.

When I first read on the “Thy Kingdom Come” website find some extreme places to pray and film yourselves doing it. I thought of all the beautiful places I could pray: high on a mountain, in a darkest cave, under water in the depth of the sea, riding my bike through the countryside.
When I read it again I realised that I can see God’s beauty and creation in all of these places.
But to others these are not places of beauty but are the extremes of their lives.
The forgotten families and children of our society, often out of sight and unnoticed.

Dear Loving Seeing God

I pray today for those teenagers that are in the care system.
Teenagers that are angry with the world for feeling it’s letting them down.
I pray that you can help us reach out to these children .
Show them love in such a way that they accept it.
Help us guide them with kindness and love.
For them to learn that rules are their to protect them.
Not to fight against those that reach out to help them.
Allow them to be loved and understand your amazing unconditional love.
In the name of Jesus Christ.
Amen.

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Reimagine

Day Thirty six – Reimagine  – lent challenge

I work in a barn, its an old cow milking shed that has been basically converted into small units. When you think of barn conversations you might imagine beautiful houses incorporating features from the barn but alongside modern comforts.
Our barn is basic, we have cold running water, a small area to make a cup of tea, heating is extra clothes a small fan heater and hot water bottles. I often imagine the changes we could make to improve our little place of work, heat and hot water would be first on my list, maybe followed by carpet and a connecting door so I don’t have to walk outside in the cold.
Once imagined I reimagined that I could get an office, painted in business colours, a beautifully designed packing area with boxes stacked high, orders arriving and being packed by staff. I imagine a business looking smart and branded, clean slick painted. Maybe a kitchen with a  fridge full of healthy snack’s and we could hold business meetings in comfort instead of issuing weather warnings, and requesting visitors to come dressed warm and offer hot water bottles to those brave enough to stay.
We would look good on the outside but what would in the heart of the business? Would we lose what we are about by working like this?
The way we work provides us with an income to live within our means, it’s basic but keeps us connected to the world, I look forward to spring, look forward to feeing the warmth of the sun. I remember the excitement when we brought a fridge, we celebrated it was a big day, I still smile when I open the door to get a pint of milk.
To reimagine has to be for the good and not out of greed or wants, we need to put our creative minds to helping others, helping others see what a life following Jesus is like.
Jesus was born in a barn – God could have worked it out that a room would be available, but God chose for His Son to be born in a barn. Jesus came into this world humbly and in poverty to identify with the poorest and weakest among us.
I might not always like my barn, but it’s a constant reminder that we need to be thankful for everything we have, from a fridge to running water, their are many in the world that have nothing our barn keeps us dry and provides us with a place to work.

Romans 12:3 The Message (MSG)
3 I’m speaking to you out of deep gratitude for all that God has given me, and especially as I have responsibilities in relation to you. Living then, as every one of you does, in pure grace, it’s important that you not misinterpret yourselves as people who are bringing this goodness to God. No, God brings it all to you. The only accurate way to understand ourselves is by what God is and by what he does for us, not by what we are and what we do for him.

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The less we look with our eyes – the more we will see.

Day 23- lose – lent challenge 

Everything has a home, the keys live in the top draw of the telephone table , my bike lock lives in the basket of my bike.
The dog lead belongs in the draw with all the dog stuff, and the tv remote control lives on the shelf under the telly.
All these things have a home a place to keep them, so I and others know where they are.
So why can’t I find any of them when I need them, it’s because I don’t put them away in the right place.
It’s frustrating for me and even more frustrating for my husband as I all seem to do is look for things I have not put away , it’s a good job I can call my phone or I would be constantly looking for that ( this does cause problems if I put it on silent ).

For someone that looses everything, how did I find my faith and allow god to be part of my life.
When I look for my keys I run around using my eyes trying to remember the last time I had them , God has always been with me never lost , just waiting patiently for me to work it out .
Instead of running around, I stopped and kneeled closed my eyes and looked with my heart and prayed .

Jeremiah 29:13

You will seek me and find me, when you seek me with all your heart.

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Follow

Day Three – lent challenge – follow

A Christian is one who follows in the footsteps of Jesus Christ. The Greek word follow means “to take the same road” as someone else. A Christian is one who does just that — he follows in the footsteps of Jesus down the same road of life.
People want to follow other people ,we all like to be accepted by others. Some of us seem to need this more than others do. we to want to please other people , we have a natural desire to belong to groups to feel secure in our herd.
Even when we are alone we have social media a place to follow others , we have friends we never meet and friends that are not really are our friends, but we still follow them want to know their thoughts, value their opinions or just plain old nosey.
If a stranger asked me today in the street who do I follow would my answer be Jesus . I would like to think it would be, I know it would be the first thing that came into my head, but would it be the first thing past my lips.
It’s surprising easy to build ourselves a little Christian bubble, a safe place to be surrounded by other Christian’s we can safely talk about Christ and tell them how much we love him and follow him .
But once in the real world the world in which as Christian’s we are sent out to spread the world of God , We sometimes fear what others will think of us.
It’s being brave enough trusting enough to be able to show others what it means to have gods amazing love and to follow him.

John 15:14-15The Message (MSG)

11-15 “I’ve told you these things for a purpose: that my joy might be your joy, and your joy wholly mature. This is my command: Love one another the way I loved you. This is the very best way to love. Put your life on the line for your friends. You are my friends when you do the things I command you. I’m no longer calling you servants because servants don’t understand what their master is thinking and planning. No, I’ve named you friends because I’ve let you in on everything I’ve heard from the Father.

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love

Bible society photo challenge

This Lent I am taking part in the bible society photo challenge. Each day I will take a photo around the daily theme set by the bible society and share it with you.

Day One lent challenge  – Love .

Jesus died for people who had lost their way. He did not die because it was forced upon him. It was a choice. A choice made in love.

The Cross is love –

photographing this cross was very special, the cross is the grave of my great auntie who died very young of TB back in the 1930’s. She was beautiful lady both in looks and in her personality, when she died the family where devastated, they had very little money but gave all they had to have the stone cross on her grave , they even went hungry .

I can still feel and understand the love they had for her and their love for god.

“For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son . . . (John 3:16).

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