I choose you.

I choose you.
I dug you up and moved you.
I knew you would take over, I knew you would spread and thrive in my garden.
You are greedy, feeding, chocking indiscriminately you grow.
Excluding light, depriving nourishment, yet I let you grow.
I choose you. I planted you.

I have spent the morning weeding my garden. One particular troublesome plant took up most of my time. It’s a plant that I desired and wanted. I knew it was a bad idea when I planted it. My want was bigger than my horticulture knowledge. My want was bigger than the hours needed to maintain this thug of a plant.
Removing and reducing this plant I was suddenly stuck how it was like forgiveness.
The plant was a problem that I was able to deal with. It has to be dealt with otherwise it will outgrow and destroy my garden.
It will stop other plants fruiting, it will prevent seeds from forming, it will overpower.
Kneeling in the garden digging out its invasive roots the power of Gods grace was overpowering.
That connectedness to the soil, to life and how fragile it can be. How much we need to nurture and hold creation.How God is in everything we do.
Removing this plant, decreasing its size, is not about control. It’s about acknowledging it’s spreading nature. Understanding that its roots run deep. It’s a woodland plant not really suitable for the garden. It’s doing what it was created for, to grow and survive.

In reducing its size I make space for light and fresh growth.
Reducing this plant was totally for my benefit ( not the plants ) Just as forgiveness is not for the other person but for me. Forgiveness gives me space, that allows me to grow. Forgiveness removes the choking thoughts and emotions, it breaks me free from the roots that trap me. Forgiveness allows light and warmth back into my life. Forgiveness is not an emotion but a choice that I must make. As with the gardening, it’s a choice.
My plant will keep coming back, keep trying to take over my garden. I will never stop having to reduce it. Just as all my life I will need to turn to God and ask for forgiveness. Without forgiveness, my heart will harden and I will fail to trust and see the beauty that surrounds me.

2011-05-21-at-14-21-03-768x573

Matthew 18:21-22 The Message (MSG)

21 At that point, Peter got up the nerve to ask, “Master, how many times do I forgive a brother or sister who hurts me? Seven?”
22 Jesus replied, “Seven! Hardly. Try seventy times seven.

Advertisements

Sharing Pain.

Day Five – Lent Challenge 2018 – Receive.

Today’s Lent challenge word is “receive and I chose to share and say thank you a wonderful person  that has helped me in many ways. This Person helped me realise it’s ok to receive/ask for help.
When life gets tough it’s easy to pretend everything is fine. Pull away from those that we love and quietly fall apart.
I used to think “ I can do this on my on my own”. Why would burden and expose others to my pain? Why share the pain? It seemed selfish to offload my pain onto others.

The reality has God created us with a need for help. Asking for help isn’t admitting failure or a sign of weakness. It’s recognising the way God made us.
This means our need for help is not shameful, or equal to failure. God built into us a need for help from the very beginning.
Learning to reach out to others has given me the strength.  It’s ok to receive help and admit the truth that I cannot do this alone. I can turn to my friends. I can cry out to God.
I can ask for help and prayers. In doing so I have formed friendships and realised their is strength is asking for help.
We are week unable to survive alone. God is strong and with his grace and help, we can do what might seem impossible.
So Thank You for helping me break the isolation of thinking I can do this on my own.

IMG_7726.JPG

 

Galatians 6:2 Good News Translation (GNT)

 Help carry one another’s burdens, and in this way you will obey the law of Christ.

He leads me beside quiet waters, He restores my soul.

Our storm has blown itself out it was due to return January 2017, it’s been a very destructive storm that has left a massive debris trail and hurt many people close to my heart.
The clearing up will take a while but with love and prayer I am sure once we start the clean up work we will truly see the light from the terrible darkness we have been living in.
As I look back over the past 6 months I see such terrible darkness and pain but I also see the light and the hope that my faith gave me . The storm strengthened my faith, my confidence grew and I realised how much love was all around me , it gave me the strength to fight for justice , strong Friendships have been formed we laughed we cried and I understood the meaning of what a church family is and the support and love they showed was beyond words .
At times I became so low only my love for god and my determination not to be beaten allowed me to function .
I still have a poorly husband but now have a husband with a reason to get better, a reason to live and a future to plan.

Today my tears of gratitude flowed , my heart is filled with hope and thanks and the wonderful feeling that god my father has encouraged me and guided in my darkness , pushed me to my outer limits but never let me fall, dried my tears and held me tight .
When the pain became to much god just held me in his arms and allowed me to sleep the more I allowed god into my life and trusted , the stronger my faith grew
We are celebrating but it’s important to remember those that are still in the darkness especially pray for those that are alone as they have to yet find the love of god.
Today the word is so beautiful and exciting full of new opportunities

Psalms 118 This is the day which the LORD has made; we will rejoice and be glad in it.

img_2083