Someone Else’s Fear.

Today the sun is directly overhead shinning so brightly it’s almost unbearable.
When the sun is not shining, I know it’s still there. Just as I know God loves me even when I might not be feeling it.
Gods love was not on my mind a year ago. I was so trapped, not knowing which way to turn. Those that should have been helping me where not: I was left in an impossible situation.
Twelve months today I was reading “ From fear to love by Bryan Post” a love based approach to helping parent children that have been adopted or in care.
“There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear.” 1 John 4:18
I wanted to find out more; just reading the bible passage as part of Bryan’s book that night did not seem enough.
I wanted to read it from the bible. Their was a strong need to want to try understand what was being said and why.
Reading a Bible verse more than once was something that I would not normally do. I read 1 John 4:18 over and over again that evening. Stopping to spend time researching the verse on the internet. Desperately trying to understand why love and fear cannot co exist.
Learning that some of us can be so afraid of love we push it away. I understood that if you feel Gods love you cannot be afraid . God will look after you.
Within hours I suddenly found myself home alone and very scared.
Someone else’s fear had shattered my life and those that I love where also destroyed.
God is so amazing giving me that one verse to hold onto. Curled up on the sofa: crying, rocking and shaking I was not angry only scared. I understood why it had happened.
Through my tears and uncontrollable shacking somehow I understood God was with me.

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Close To The Edge, But I Will Not Fall.

Time is zooming by to D day. The day we find out what is going to happen with our lives. We have no control on the outcome, it’s totally out of our hands.
I have spent far to much time worrying about having to trust in yet another system . Keeping myself awake at night with questions on top of more questions .
Last night very little sleep was achieved, I worried and prayed. The answer to my question’s is not about trusting a system , it’s about trusting God and having faith .
It’s the only way forward, trusting God takes away the questions. God has the answers, trusting God takes away the fear .
Having God in my heart and mind will allow me to function and love. What ever the outcome I will still have beautiful life. I might be pushed close to the edge but I won’t fall.