Why I said “I do” again?

The reasons why I wanted to say “I do” again.

My dad escorted me down the aisle of our parish church, to marry the man of my dreams. Surrounded by friends and  family we said our vows to each other with love and meaning.
We were young, and very much head over heels in love. We are still very much in love. It’s a different love today; a love that has matured and developed with age. A  love that has been battered and bruised, a deep rooted love.

So why do it again?

I wanted to say the words with God in my heart . I wanted to stand at the altar and feel the words.  Not just say them – actually feel them .
God was not a part of my life when we got married .We exchanged our wedding vows, knelt for the prayers. The vows were exchanged with love, thought and meaning . The prayers  were said but only as words not with meaning.
Renewing our vows gave us the opportunity to  pray together as a couple. Holding hands, kneeling in prayer together, with a deep understanding that not only do we love each other, but God loves us too.
We made a promise before God with our friends and family 24 years ago and we affirmed that promise again and celebrated  our love for each other.

So why do it again ?

I wanted to show my love to my amazing man. Not just say “I love you” , I wanted him  to know how much  I love him. For him to understand  that I  married him for richer for poorer, for better for worse, and in sickness and in health .
These last 12 months we have been living the reality of vows we made to each other on our wedding day. We have felt poor both  financially and in life. The dark cloud of depression has shown us how  hard life can be living together during times of sickness. We have seen some of the worse days of  our lives.
I have prayed that we both had the strength to see us through the dark days. The days when depression and anger were all consuming.
The poor days have taught us how rich and beautiful the life we have together is .
It’s time to be thankful  for all that we have, learn to  accept our losses and move forward together with love.

Why I said “I do” again?

It was time to move forward with our lives; allow the wounds to heal.
We have been surrounded by love these last 12 months. Supported  by friends and family that have had little understanding as to why our lives fell apart.
They have not asked questions, just held us in love and walked us though our grief and pain.
Depression has left its scars but we are loved so much . I wanted to show my husband this amazing love and for him to see it with his own eyes.

Though prayer and love, God  has given me back the man I married.  A little older and balder but that sweet hearted funny man that I love is still there . He is shining and  I am feeling the warmth of his sunshine.
Life is not perfect. I  have been embracing each moment. Listening to the beautiful things he says and treasuring our time together as we are never sure what tomorrow will bring.

 

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A Little Sunshine, In My Darkness.

My battle to stay strong has almost reached my limit: Feeling so tired, drained, week and unmotivated .
My marriage is full of fear with love fighting so hard stay in our lives, worried and scared we will not recover.
Reading the Psalms has brought me so much comfort . I read Psalm 62 for the first time today. Struck by the amazing power of the words and how loudly they spoke to me. Repeatedly listening and reading it has helped me, given me strength when all I can see is dead ends .
I am exhausted, my soul finds rest in God. He is my rock and my salvation. I trust and love God in a way I never thought was possible.
God hears my every prayer, the storm that’s in our lives has not gone away. It’s just died down for a while, it’s due back in January.
I pray when it comes back we will be prepared for it. When it return’s may the winds be softer, may we see blue skies among the dark clouds, even a little sunshine in the darkness to guide us .

Love Is Not Just Something We Feel, But Also Something We Do.

.Most weeks I go to church and sit beside my mum knowing my lovely husband is at home in bed to scarred to face the word. To afraid and full of grief and anger to sit beside me.
Couples come to hear their marriage bands being read excited about a future together. Others celebrate wedding anniversaries and an elderly gentleman pushes his wife into the church and holds her hand throughout the service and cares for her with love and dedication. I remember the vows we made in front of God. We promised to love each other for better for worse, for richer for poorer and in sickness and in health, as long as we both shall live.
This morning we went to church together as husband and wife. Holding hands and worshiping before God together was beautiful
Living with depression means getting up each morning is a victory, life is an effort. I need to encourage him in everything he does and try and boast his confidence, so today when the Clip below was played in the service it spoke to both of us.
Yes we can.
Yes we can get up and go out.
Yes we can cry in church and no one judges only cares.
Yes we can remain strong in our love for each other and our faith.
YES we can follow Jesus and devote or lives to him.
Today I followed Jesus full of love and holding my husband’s hand.

1 Corinthians 13:4-7
Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.