You can feel the life.
Excited air that sings.
Beautiful harmonious songs of joy.
You can feel the life.
Excited air that sings.
Beautiful harmonious songs of joy.
Life of mud and wellington boots.
Coloured pens that echo my thoughts.
Fluffy blankets in case my dreams.
Wild hair that lives its own life in its own time.
Food cupboards sorted by colour and size.
Hair that’s brushed and not in your eyes.
Beds made, house neatly clean.
Your hate has so much energy.
Physical punches aimed my way.
I would never fight, just flee
You hurt me.
Reborn I see your vulnerability.
I want to understand your pain.
It’s time to stop repealing
Stop guarding what we know.
We love each other so deeply.
I know want my love to show.
Surfacing looking for clean love filled air – God air
Breathing in as much as my mind and heart can hold.
Suppressing the urge to breathe it out.
Holding, searching always looking for another pocket of love air.
You would have thought God would make love air so it never runs out, always plentiful and easy to find.
God air is everywhere if we breathe hard enough and want it.
It’s not for sale, infused to perfection, blended and mixed.
Personalized to the last second of time.
Air that heals, Air that says “I Know “ Air that cry’s with you. Air that holds you until the next breath.
Air that’s in abundance yet, takes time to make, craft and blend.
It’s easier to breathe the old stale air of me.
Tastes so familiar no need to hold it, put in the effort to seek and make more.
Its air that once belonged to me.
It sinks to the bottom and takes you down
Down to a place that’s dense with old me.
A place that God air is hard to find.
Breathing it in is lazy – breathing it out hurts.
It’s thick. Chokes my creative thoughts.
It drags, pulls, takes me to places I don’t want to go.
Holding my breath not tempting to breath the foul old air of me.
Standing up in the clean air of love.
Breath that fills and inspires.
The amazing thing about God air is when you breathe it in it’s for you.
When you breathe it out others feel it too.
Angry air, chocking air breathed out by others that cross my path.
Drifting swills of soupy murky dark filled air.
Blown and directed at me.
Dragging me pulling to places I don’t want to be.
It’s tearing me apart inside. It’s you I want at my side.
It’s all the love and peace you bring
I need to learn to walk away, not to feel the hurt I do today
Hurting like it never hurt before.
My prayer today is just for me
Help me listen and see what it is you what from me.
Help me stop just long enough to see your love among the pain that litters and fills my life.
Help me stand up so tall that it’s only your air that I breathe.
Please calm the angry waters give me the strength to come up for air and reach out to you.
For a while have I been trying to blog about the day I sat with my beautiful friend who was terminally ill with cancer.
I just could not find the words, so wrote this poem. It’s about the day we spent together waiting for two callers.
First was the vet coming to put my friend’s dog to sleep. A faithful old dog that was entering the end of her life. Cancer was eating her up at an alarming rate and she was suffering.
We made the decision that I could not look after two old ladies with cancer so Lucy was put to sleep with love and dignity. She died in our arms with the people she loved.
Hours later the ambulance came to take my friend to a hospice. A wonderful place full of compassionate staff. My friend slowly died over the next 6 weeks.
There are no words to express how we both felt that day only silence between two friends.
The space between two words
Silence whirls and settles on the sofa.
Exhausted words filling every space.
Heartbroken words too afraid to form.
Locked up words that want to stamp and rage.
Unspoken painful truthful words.
Will it ever be the right time?
To say what’s on my mind.
Silence is the only word that remains.
Love and silence fills every space.
Salt-laced words that drip and run.
Words that can only be shed.
Splashing overflowing emotions that puddle and soothe.
Trying to tell each other that we both understand.
Wanting to shout out “Why?”.
Wanting to say, “Please don’t die.”
Memories marching though our minds:
Evenings on the sofa, tea and chatter
Like nothing mattered.
Mutual thinking, simultaneous laughter.
Parallel thoughts unite our pain.
Overflowing , overpowering unwanted grief.
Mourning, journeying, our eyes meet.
Eyes that tell our stories.
Eyes that do not lie.
Sandpaper exhausted eyes from late nights, early mornings.
Nursing my dying friend.
Her eyes old and fading.
Tired and cloudy near the end.
Observing eyes leaking painful tears.
Avoiding each other as it hurts to see
Just how much pain is inside you and me.
Imagine your true colours.
Colours of your thoughts.
Colours of your dreams.
Words of colours.
I am not a solid Green or Environmentally Green, not even politely Green.
Dappled shades of Green.
Green that diffuses with warm sunlight
Electric Greens that dazzle so bright.
Greens so white they could be snow
Splashes,dashes blobs and spots of Green.
Green is good it’s safe and warm.
Feeding and nourishing protecting from the storms.
Searching, holding, pushing, seeking light.
Sown and threaded though my soul.
Crafted grafted uniquely Green.
I won’t be Green forever it changes as I grow.
The goodness from the greenery is taking me where I need to go.
Greens tipped with Yellows, Green splashed with Pink.
Mixed so slowly they are at first they are just hints.
Colours slowly settle and drift into my haze.
Swirling mixing drifting down, finding a place to stay.
My colours are my smiles.
The prayers I say each day.
My colours are not mine to keep.
I need to learn to give them away.
I pray that this can happen.
And that I will not stay just Green.
Green is safe it’s quiet and calm.
Rainbow enriched colours splashing light.
Giving me a rich vibrant new life.
That Pink flower is beautiful.
I can see it’s beauty, smell its beauty.
I don’t need to name its beauty.
I don’t need to be able to read to see it’s a Pink beautiful flower.
Writing its name does not make it beautiful.
It stands alone.
It’s Pink and beautiful.
Naming it takes me away from its beauty.
Sets out a list of standards that it should conform to.
Height, colour, scent.
If it does not conform we are disappointed reject it.
But it’s still a beautiful Pink flower .
No name, no label nothing to conform to.
No one to disappoint.
It’s just enjoyed for being a Pink flower.
Created to grow, from a tiny seed to a Pink flower .
Created not for us to enjoy.
But to survive, flower and grow to its full potential.
Just look see and enjoy.
It’s no more difficult than that.
See it smell it, remember it.
Learn its name if you must,
Rose ,carnation or pink daffodil it does not matter.
What does matter is you love it, care for it.
Remember the one that created it.
By It’s a Beautiful World.
Day Thirty One – Longing – Lent challenge
Could I share my ghosts with you?
Allow you to see my pain
I long for the ghosts to go away.
They always come back again.
They are buried in the garden.
Reminders here and there.
Of all the times we had together.
That are no longer there.
I find them when I am weeding.
Unearth them now and then.
They catch me out just buried there.
Time and time again.
Cars that once went broom broom.
Dolls that played a game.
Just left there in the mud
Never to be played with again.
I long to hear their voices
Hold their little hands.
See their smiling faces.
Playing in the sand.
Children that we foster.
Leave ghosts for us to find.
To remind us of their journey.
And remind us of our time.
We loved these people.
They taught us so much about life.
Love that freely given.
Love that heals the pain.
But when that bond is broken it hurts to love again.
Loving again is painful,
But that is what we do.
Gluing back the broken bits.
With love from me to you.
It’s time for us to walk away.
Let you lead your life.
Adoption is the miracle.
That has given you a new life.
1 Samuel 1:27 ( MSG) I prayed for this child, and God gave me what I asked for