Day 13 – Lent challenge 2018 – refresh .
My Auntie K keeps coming to mind when I think about faith and the word refresh.
I think it has something to do with how real she was to herself and God.
She recorded her thoughts and prayers in dairies. The two diaries in my possession record the wars years 1939 -1940. She records air raids, birthdays, the church services she attended with her mum (my great grandmother).
She also tells her another story. Her brief encounter with love. Her life becomes increasingly complicated because of falling in love with a man that was not hers to love. They meet secretly, fell in love, bringing about unexpected consequences.
Her scribbles telling of the conflict in her mind. Concerned about the pain that she would or could cause others. She battles with her faith. She knows it must end.
She acknowledged the pain love caused. She worried her writings might be found. One diary entry tells how she must stop scribbling.
She wrote out prayers that asked for strength, she turned to scripture for guidance.
The old lady I loved struggled with life “messed up”. When we mess up, which we do and will, God loves us just the same.
Her scribbling provided her with a place to of load her thoughts and feelings. I treasure these diaries as her gift to me.
She tells me that when things go wrong it’s God we turn to. She tells me we mess up.
Theirs something in all of this about not denying who we are being real with God. In that realism we form a closer relationship with God.
When we give voice to our complaints, our worries, our bitterness, or our fears, we aren’t telling God anything he doesn’t already know. We are laying ourselves bare before him, holding nothing back, and asking him into our lives.
Psalm 73 – Good News Translation
26 My mind and my body may grow weak,
but God is my strength;
he is all I ever need.
2017 has been an epic journey, full of laughter and tears.
God has held my hand in the pain and the Joy. When I fall holding Gods hand I feel loved. It’s that love that gives me the strength to get back up again.
Feeling so loved and blessed surrounded by the most amazing people. Some that know me in person and those that read my blogs.
My one big thing for 2017 is growing from world to word ( you need to read the blog ) and starting to find my voice.
I want to say thank you for reading my blogs and journeying with me .Sending you my love and blessings for 2018 what every it may bring.
The poem” God Knows “ By Minnie Haskins has found its way into my heart three times in the last 7 days . Once on Christmas day listening to the kings Christmas speech 1939. A few days after the full version was stumbled upon when searching for something completely different. Today it was read out as part of the sermon in Church.
Sharing it with you.
by Minnie Louise Haskins (1875-1957)
And I said to the man who stood at the gate of the year:
“Give me a light that I may tread safely into the unknown.”
And he replied:
“Go out into the darkness and put your hand into the Hand of God.
That shall be to you better than light and safer than a known way.”
So I went forth, and finding the Hand of God, trod gladly into the night.
And He led me towards the hills and the breaking of day in the lone East.
So heart be still:
What need our little life
Our human life to know,
If God hath comprehension?
In all the dizzy strife
Of things both high and low,
God hideth His intention.
God knows. His will
Is best. The stretch of years
Which wind ahead, so dim
To our imperfect vision,
Are clear to God. Our fears
Are premature; In Him,
All time hath full provision.
Then rest: until
God moves to lift the veil
From our impatient eyes,
When, as the sweeter features
Of Life’s stern face we hail,
Fair beyond all surmise
God’s thought around His creatures
Our mind shall fill.
Day 29 – Live _ Lent Challenge .
The rules and laws set out for us in our modern world seem negative and often their seems to be a gap in how we want to live our lives as Christian’s and what the rules say we can and can’t do.
How often do we read rules ? That include the words love, strength, heart, soul and forgiveness . We are more likely to read rules which include words threat, cannot, restricted, prosecute, judge, illegal and penalty .
Laws and rules are set rigid they do not allow for compassion they do not bend listen or understand circumstances .
Rules that are made in fear , to protect governments , organisations and the population as a whole and do not cater for the individual.
We are a society scared of being sued , scared of each other , so we create rules and laws out of fear.
” Love the lord God with all your heart and with all your soul and all your strength and all your mind, and love your neighbour as yourself”
It’s a rule for life, away of living ,no negative words, just being told what we can do and most importantly you most do it with love.
Luke 10:27New International Version (NIV)
“Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength and with all your mind’ and, ‘Love your neighbour as yourself.”
Writing helps me on so many levels, it helps me understand what is happening in my life and if I am lucky why it’s happening .
Writing has boosted my confidence and has allowed my mind and heart to stay open to follow Jesus .
Reading my early blogs reminds me of the pain and the journey travelled so far.
It was suggested I write my own psalm.
I prayed before I wrote it and had no idea what to write about while I prayed I wrote down lots of words adoption was written down many times.
Adoption is a subject I am very passionate about and it’s how I found my faith and I do believe it is a pure act of faith to care for his children as he cared for us.
Joy of life and new beginnings.
Pain grief sorrow and loss.
A double aged sword with no winners .
Confused scared and frightened.
Follow love and trust the Lord.
It’s a gift from God.
To give to one you must take from another.
The loss of a child pains the heart and mind.
Never to see hold or touch that child again.
Empty arms and empty hearts that last forever.
The chid does not understand .
New destinations, we put our trust in you to guide us through these times.
Happy times sad times with dead ends and darkness.
Times when theirs only a dim glimmer of light we trust and follow you.
We are all your children.
Adotion works because of love and trust .
We love and trust you with open hearts and minds.
Love over powers fear.
Faith over powers failure .
As we love and hold our children, just as you love and hold us in life.
Rejoice the new destinations and open hearted family’s.
Remember those left behind with empty arms.
Today was not going to be easy this weeks lack of sleep and the sadness within me has a lot to do with today.
Family events in church are always going to be tough but today it’s extra hard. I would like to join in and celebrate with other families but seeing them all happy will be to much and today church is not a place to cry. Today it’s a place to rejoice in our young people and give thanks to God as they start a new school year.
The early service was the place to worship this morning followed by a quick exist so not to bump into the arriving families .
My quick exit plan did not go unnoticed and after a few hugs and polite conversation I ended up sitting under a tree ( planted in memory of my dad) in the church yard out of sight of the arriving families. The tears came in floods and floods and when I eventually calmed myself down. I sat quiet and still with my eyes closed to my own thoughts and prayers .
When I opened my eyes sat at my feet was a beautiful robin, I looked up and another was sat on my basket of my bike.
The message was loud and clear I need to stop looking back and start to look forward.
Yes I am loved by God it’s so obvious and no escaping it ,life is beautiful .
Proverbs 4:25 ESV / 85
Let your eyes look directly forward, and your gaze be straight before you.
I have been slowly building a little wall around my heart. Protecting my myself from grief and more pain, the wall has just been breached and it hurts like crazy .
The pain is once again in my chest and heart. It hurts because I got caught out by something so simple and unexpected .
I got complaisant, I thought my walls where high enough to let some love in but not enough to get hurt again.
I had stopped building and planning where to build the next wall. No longer looking for slips and trips life was ok.
I feel foolish for allowing this to happen and not sure how to pick myself up of the floor and rebuild my walls.
Deep down I know building walls is not the answer if tears are what is needed than they should flow and I need to be true to myself. I cannot be open to love or God behind a wall however small it might be, my heart needs love to heal.
I need to stay focused to be able to allow Jesus to walk along side me and guide me on the path he has chosen for me .
I can’t do that behind Wall!
My crime seems is simple I Loved, cared and trusted.
Why? is a big question today and is dominating my thoughts it’s not why did God allow this to happen to me?
Its why does a system that is their to protect and care so capable of destruction? It’s so tied up in its paper work and tick boxes that it’s incapable of love, trust and common sense. A system that is scared of what others might think. A system that has endless meetings, works on statistics and protocol.
Meetings that make life changing decisions. People that are not listened to or understood.
The individuals that do stand up to the system often leave as they feel they can no longer do a job that damages the people it so wants to help .
I met someone a while back they had just left the system. They are now doing the same job but working for a company with very high moral values a company that cares. After a long chat she told me the best thing about her new job was that she did not have to hide her beliefs. When visiting clients she was able to support them on the level they needed and had time to listen to their needs. The best part it was ok to pray with them and give a hug if that’s what was needed.
We are at times a faceless society many of us not brave enough to stand out from the crowd to make a difference. Unable to say what’s in our hearts and stand up for our beliefs and be proud of who we are.
Loving God casts out all fear and I feel that and understand that so deeply I want others that have never had love be loved. To understand love and the love that comes from God. The reason I can love God or anyone else is because God loved me first.
You cannot give love if you have not experienced and felt love yourself. God’s unconditional love leaves me feeling safe and secure and in touch with something amazing and beautiful.
My crime was to want and help others to feel secure safe and not afraid. Help them understand they are not alone God will always be with them. A system that does not work destroyed that overnight. It will not destroy what’s in my heart and I will continue to love trust and allow my broken heart to heal so Gods love can flow freely through me and be passed to others.
A new commandment I give unto you, That ye love one another; as I have loved you, that ye also love one another. By this shall all men know that ye are my disciples, if ye have love one to another.