I love Because Its The Only Way Forward.

My head is clear and the need to cry has almost gone. I can concentrate on work pray without sleeping and feel truly blessed to be alive and live in this beautiful word and follow Jesus.
I feel so calm and ready to move forward, amazed at the changes in myself and they are all positive.
Grief is a roller coaster and I might just be on a up, I do feel it’s more than just a up before the down.
But I only have to look a few feet away and the changes in my husband are not so positive and the depression and situation is taking its negative toll.
He is so angry inside and full of negative thoughts. He wants to blame an individual the hate he feels is so strong.
He can seem positive and at times over excitable and irrational. But he is on a roller coaster of emotions often saying hurtful things without knowing it or caring. The nightmares the panic he experiences are so powerful at times he wants to end his life as the pain is just to much to cope with.
He can’t understand why I won’t be angry. His mind is controlled by his depression which leaves little room for faith and love .
Having Gods beautiful unconditional love is the reason I function and will continue to love and pray and not be destroyed by past events.
I feel so under skilled to help my lovely man. I will of course love him and pray for him but feel so helpless and have so little understanding helping someone with mental health issues .

Romans 5:4 – perseverance, character; and character, hope.



Our Nightmare.

When my husband feels pain I feel it too. When my husband is depressed and so low that he talks about suicide it’s hard to know what to do. How do I support him when I am as equally distraught by the same event?
I prayed for the strength to help him and for the medication he is taking to work. I prayed that if he took his own life it would be pain free and that he would not hurt others in the process.
I held him and told him I loved him and together we can get through this tragedy. We must not give up on life, however dark our days are we still have each other.
I was shocked and scared at how low he had become. How his life was robbed so quickly and I was just left with his shell, his laughter, his kindness, his weird humour all gone in a few days .
We talked deeply, held each other so tight each not wanting to let go. We talked about our faith and love .
We talked about our souls and how life events scar and shape them.
We were so open and honest with each other it was beautiful and something we had never done before .
I love my husband and will never let him go. I pray everyday that I will get my lovely warm person back again. So once again we can laugh and look forward to our future.